The 10 types of people on Xbox Live
There are many different types of people on Xbox Live, some nice and some not so nice. However, despite the millions of people on Xbox Live, many of them fit into several stereotypes:
- Heavy breather
- The guy with no mic
- The ‘is anybody there?’ guy
- Abusive
- Broken Mic
- Tactician
- Mean adult
- Weirdo
- The singer
- The foreigner
So there they are. Now lets look at each one in a bit more detail. (If you don’t want to read this, then there’s a video at the bottom. Yay!)
Heavy Breather
There’s always one isn’t there? It doesn’t matter what game your playing, there will always be some guy who doesn’t turn his mic off, even though he’s not saying anything. The ‘Heavy Breather’ will, as the name suggests, breath heavily into his mic, but doesn’t speak or communicate in anyway. Truly annoying.
The No Mic
The ‘no mic’ tends to play tactical games such as Rainbow 6 Vegas 2 and GRAW 2 (Ghost Recon Advanced Warfighter 2) where communication is essential, but can be found in almost any online game. Again, as the name suggests, the ‘no mic’ either doesn’t have a mic, or just doesn’t use it. When people are trying to sort out some tactics (see the tactician), the ‘no mic’ just sits complacently and enjoys being oblivious to the teams orders. If the team have designated masterchieffan385 to get the sniper, the ‘no mic’ can pick up the coveted weapon, pretending he cannot hear what the people have said. Of course he might actually not have a mic, but even then he should be able to hear the team’s commands through the speakers so there’s no excuse.
The ‘is anybody there?’ guy
Some say the ‘is anybody there?’ guy is the ‘no mic’s’ arch rival. Others don’t say that. Whatever your view is though, one thing remains certain: the ‘is anybody there?’ guy is very annoying. For those of you who don’t know, the ‘is anybody there?’ guy constantly and relentlessly asks if people have a mic. He can use such phrases as:
- anybody there?
- anyone got mic?
- anyone speaking?
The ‘is anybody there?’ guy obviously wants someone to talk to while he’s playing and, rather than go into private chat with someone, he tries to rally the troops into talking to him. This can be particularly annoying for the ‘no mics’ as they have to face a constant barrage of noise that tries to get them to speak. The phrase ‘anyone speaking?’ is pretty stupid. Unless you can hear someone, chances are there’s no one speaking (other than you of course).
The Abuser
Ah the abuser. Sadly this is probably the most common type of person on Xbox Live. The abuser hates people, he will have a gamertag that looks something like this: XxIcEcOlDkILlA46xX, and can be of any age. The abuser tends to play games like Gears of War, Halo 3 and GTA IV, and will shout, abuse and be generally rude to people who are in the game. The abuser tends to yell ‘head shot’ after every kill (regardless of whether it was a headshot or not) and may try to cheat/glitch. The abuser particularly hates people better than him, and will team kill them or try to get them booted. The abuser also tends to have rap music playing in the background which everyone can hear. The abuser could be a 12 year old or a 30 year old. It doesn’t really matter though - whatever the age the abuser has a massive ego.
The Broken Mic
The broken mic is a person who speaks in games, but his messages are horribly distorted and inaudible for other players. Surprisingly, this is due to a broken mic that he either bought of a friend, found in a gutter or made himself.
The Tactician
The tactician or wannabe tactician fancies himself as a grizzled army vet. He tries to take control and lead the team, often using complicated military terms such as the economy of force and bounding overwatch. He is mostly ignored due to people’s desire to have fun, but occasionally he is obeyed when this happens he generally does a good job of things. However, it can be pretty annoying having commands yelled into your ears for an entire match and so most people will mute him.
The Mean Adult
While the mean adult is similar to the abuser, the two should not be confused. The mean adult likes to exert his age and life experience on younger gamers. He will commonly tell gamers to not play a Mature rated game because they are too young. He might also tell people go to bed because it is too late for them to still be up or to stop whining (they can complain once their voice has broken). The mean adult likes to laugh at other adults’ jokes (regarding younger gamers) and also likes people to laugh at his jokes. The mean adult is usually of a fairly high gaming skill, and tends to play later on in the evening due to adult work commitments.
The Weirdo
The weirdo comes into a game by himself or with an other person. If he is by himself then he will say a load of random crap ranging from ‘I like pie’ to ‘when you have to HELLO vertical dreaming systems analysis’. No none else will understand why he is saying what he says, or what he means. Still, he is usually just mucking about and not clinically insane, so people can have a bit of a laugh at what he says. If he comes in with another person (ie. as a pair) then the stuff will be just as incomprehensible, but instead of being random, it will normally be in jokes amongst the pair.
The Singer
The singer will sing into his mic. That’s it. The song he sings can be anything, as long as it has lyrics. The singer is apparently totally oblivious to the fact his mic is on and any abuse he receives. Unfortunately the singer is becoming endangered and is facing extinction, we must do whatever we can speed up the process.
The Foreigner
It seems that everyone on Xbox Live hates people that are not from their country. The Americans tease the British about their accent, teeth and apparent love of tea and crumpets. Meanwhile the British make fun of the Americans calling them obese, stoned and spoiled. However, if someone joins a game and is not British or American then both the Americans and British must team up to insult that person.
Well there you have it. The 10 types of people on Xbox Live. Now if you didn’t feel like reading and scrolled straight down from the top I advise you to not be so lazy in future, or if you have read the article and have a bit of free time, then feel free to watch this video that I made. It basically shows all the types of people on Xbox Live in their natural habitat.
Note: The voice sound quality is meant to sound like an Xbox Live mic
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May 5th, 2008 at 2:45 pm
This is a great list! Video was funny also. I do have to say you missed a certain type of person…. the underage ghetto wanna be. They talk all gangster and thugish, but really suck at the game.
May 5th, 2008 at 3:41 pm
Try using spell check, I’m pretty sure every paragraph had at least one gramatical and/or spelling error. So on XBOX Live you would be?
Mostly funny stuff, a bit hard to get the intended humor with all the errors that force us to go back and read it again. Like most jokes, they’re not funny if you have to repeat it again to get it.
May 5th, 2008 at 4:27 pm
@ NJR: Obviously I use spell check, but it does not pick up all the errors. I read through the article twice before putting it up and obviously I missed a few things. They should now be rectified.
May 5th, 2008 at 7:37 pm
you forgot the annoying high pitched voice from a little kid
May 6th, 2008 at 12:14 am
Why just Xbox Live? These type of people are on every gaming platform that offers online play.
Biased Git.
May 6th, 2008 at 12:27 am
you are forgeting one type of person. the person who is not modest at all. the one who talks down to other players as if he is a god or master of the game. no matter what game you play you can always find one. you guys can think of a name for him.
May 6th, 2008 at 12:42 pm
Lol. I liked this article.. So many douchebags on Live <3
May 6th, 2008 at 9:10 pm
So funny and true!
May 7th, 2008 at 2:27 am
in the weirdo part, i would have said “i like chocolate milk!” lol
May 15th, 2008 at 4:42 pm
Americans calling the Dutch “frenchies”. Can understand if they call the Dutch german, but french? OMFG they are too stupid (well, aren’t they all :P)
yeah yeah, im “the foreigner”