Nintendo has spent the best part of two decades crossing out the bits of games that risk making Mario’s moustache fall off with shock or excitement. Join us as we track the serrated edge left by The Big N’s pair of censoring scissors…

THOU SHALT NOT… show off chest skin.

Super Castlevania IV- SNES (1991)

BMX XXX proved that nudity in games is no problem for Nintendo in the 21st century. But back in 1991, even nude statues gave The Big N the shakes. Gamers playing Castlevania IV in Japan could stare at naked granite ladypecs until they grew hairs on their palms, but for the US and UK versions, the maiden’s modesty was completely covered up.

IRONY ALERT!!!- Nintendo walked straight past Punch-Out!! ’s Super Macho Man and his biology-defying pecks.

THOU SHALT NOT… bleed.

Mortal Kombat- SNES (1993)

Even your gran probably knows about Nintendo’s infamous quest to make sure everyone’s spines stayed distinctly un-ripped-out in MK… and the way Ninty painted blood grey to resemble sweat. You know, grey sweat. Blood was spilled, in the boardroom though, when news filtered in that the uncensored Mega Drive version had smashed the SNES’s face in.

IRONY ALERT!!!- Enemies in Golgo 13: Top Secret Episode were packed with the red stuff.. oops!

THOU SHALT NOT… use the red cross

Earthbound- SNES (1995)

Clearly, the last thing you want is associating yourself with an organisation set up to help the sick and injured. Nintendo stripped the symbol of the Red Cross off the hospital in Earthbound - religious overtones, apparently.

IRONY ALERT!!!- Goldeneye 007 had a big red crosshair smack bang in the middle of the screen!

THOU SHALT NOT… do Hitler

Wolfenstein 3D- SNES (1994)

Don’t mention the war. Or at least don’t mention the name of Adolf Hitler in the presence of Nintendo. He was transformed into a cuddly, anonymous ‘Staatmeister’ during Wolfenstein 3D ’s journey from PC to SNES. Worse, he and his Nazi cohorts were renamed as a boy band for the European Bionic Commando- ‘Master D and the BADDs’.

IRONY ALERT!!!- Oddly, the EU Bionic Commando retained Hitler’s face at the end- as well as the exploding Hitler’s face.

THOU SHALT NOT… kick ass.

Earthbound- SNES (1991)

What’s your punishment for staying out late and striking up a conversation with a big talking bee? According to the Japanese version of Earthbound, it’s Dad smacking you a good old-fashioned spanking. And in the West? Why, it’s simply a good talking to and “no dessert for the rest of the decade”. Oh, boo hoo.

IRONY ALERT!!!- Boss monkeys who slap their own butt in Mega Man and Bass. Erotic? We don’t think so.

THOU SHALT NOT… cross reds.

Punch-Out!!- NES (1987)

When Nintendo decides the time is right to offend an entire nation of 143 million people, it isn’t too subtle about it as Punch-Out!! ’s Russian boxer Vodka Drunkenski proved. For the NES version, ‘Vodka’ was dragged down to the censoring office and re-monikered as Soda Popinski. Even his bottle got a big red ‘POP’ label plastered across it. He really loves his pop, you see.

IRONY ALERT!!!- We bet Mario himself gets real Italian-Americans hot under the collar. “Mama Mia!” they say.

THOU SHALT NOT… go to hell.

Secret of Mana- SNES (1993)

It’s hard to know which is more ridiculous: Secret of Mana ’s Hell Hound becoming a Heck Hound for the US version, or Nintendo missing the reference to Chunky Kong being “a hell of a guy” in Donkey Kong 64 ’s DK Rap and insisting on fixing it to “heck” in the Super Smash Bros. Melee remix- a full two years later.

IRONY ALERT!!!- Shadowgate casually trotted past the censors, complete with three whole Hellhounds and one lot of ‘Hell-spawned flames.’ Dagnammit!

THOU SHALT NOT… six things up.

Pikmin 2- Gamecube (2004)

It’s embarrassing when a company has to censor it’s own games. Nintendo originally gave the sinister nightmare-causing dismembered doll’s head in Pikmin 2 a value of 666 Pokos- the Pikmin treasure of the beast! By the time the game reached Japan, though, the ‘higher-ups’ had insisted on pricing it up to 670 Pokos. Thanks- we can sleep much better at night now.

IRONY ALERT!!!- Mr.Burn’s numberplate in The Simpsons: Road Rage reads ‘666-LUV’, and no one’s complaining.

THOU SHALT NOT… do that ‘arm thing.

Super Mario RPG- SNES (1996)

In Japan, it’s not uncommon to see game characters giving an arm gesture that would ensure you wouldn’t be invited back for tea. Nintendo US raised eyebrows when Bowser pulled off such gesture in Super Mario RPG : so in the USA version, he does the universal sign for ‘Yay me!’ instead. Very cool.

IRONY ALERT!!!- Mario’s been giving people behind him the two-fingured salute for years now.

THOU SHALT NOT… make grave mistakes.

Triumph- NES (N/A)

Nintendo’s battle with God continued. In this unreleased version of Japanese battle/strategy oddity Castle Quest. Dead warriors had to make do with cheapo tombstones on the battlefield instead of crosses. Even Disney weren’t immune: the crosses on graves in Ducktales were taken out in favour of ‘RIP’. Poor corpses.IRONY ALERT!!!- Nintendo decided to do their own, better gods in Ocarina of Time. They glowed, see.

THOU SHALT NOT… Utter the G-word.

Mario Party- N64 (1998)

We bet Mario asterisks under his breath when he discovers Peach forgot to set the Bowser Alarm again. But he only said “Oh my god!” once in the Japanese Mario Party, before Nintendo US soaped his mouth out. Even better: a car-punching minigame in Final Fight originally ended with the same phrase, but was censored on SNES to, “Oh my car!”

IRONY ALERT!!!- Erm, I think the True Crime games had a little worse than ‘oh my god’. Try ‘GET OUT THE WAY MUTHA****A’.

THOU SHALT NOT… do crime

Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out!!- NES (1987)

The original arcade Punch-Out!! got by without a major celebrity. But then Nintendo slapped Mike Tyson’s face all over The NES version- just before ‘Iron Mike’ became ‘Iron Bars Mike’ after some very unusual criminal convictions. Next thing you know, Mr.Tyson’s out and ‘Mr.Dream’ is in.

IRONY ALERT!!!- Wario was allowed to endorse Super Mario Land, even though he’s a rather unpleasant chap.

THOU SHALT NOT… show dinosaurs urinating.

Primal Rage- SNES (1995)

When you replace humans with dinosaurs in fighting games, anything can happen. Except, it seems, one dinosaur urinating on another. What could be more natural? Oh, wait- how about a velociraptor that claws open your own dino’s chest, wrenches the still-beating heart out of it’s rib cage and then eats it in front of you? Nope, that’s just fine.

IRONY ALERT!!!- By the time Conker stumbled into view, urinating on game enemies had become an actual selling point.

THOU SHALT NOT… squash quite bunnies.

Cruis’n USA- N64 (1996)

Race games being censored? Sure. But racing games? The awful Cruis’n USA was a casserole of squashed dead bunny on the arcades, but on the N64, rabbit season was over. “[Nintendo] don’t have any sense of humour”, said Cruis’n USA creator Eugene Jarvis. “I don’t know what’s wrong with these people.” 43% Metacritic Eugene. 43%.

IRONY ALERT!!!- In Gun, I shot a horse in the face, then I rode another one so hard it it just dropped dead. OK…

THOU SHALT NOT… suck.

Maniac Mansion- NES (1990)

Visit www.crockford.com/wrrrld/maniac.html and former Lucasarts employee Doug Crockford will guide you through the hilarious process of getting horror adventure Maniac Mansion safely through Nintendo’s 1100m hurdle race of approvals. The best bit? “Getting your pretty brains sucked out” made The Big N cry, but “brains removed” was just dandy.

IRONY ALERT!!!- In Turok 2, the Cerebral Bore showed dino bipeds getting their pretty brains sucked out in loving detail.

THOU SHALT NOT… hail the king

Duke Nukem 64- N64 (1997)

Having been thoroughly un-PC on the PC, the Duke of Swearoborough had his dictionary of bad words thrown in the sin bin, his love of strippers cured and his ability to ’save’ slime-coated babes by shooting them in the face replaced with a nice sit down and a cup of tea (or at least a press of ‘A’.) Nintendo loves alien boars in pink dresses, mind.

IRONY ALERT!!!- Nintendo, about those severed bodies hanging by meat hooks by their head…

THOU SHALT NOT… see stars

Uninvited- NES (1991)

Pagans believe that the five-pointed pentagram symbolises the harmony of life between the five core elements: Earth, Air, Fire, Water and Spirit. Which is why Nintendo ripped it out of the text adventure Uninvited. This lesson clearly hadn’t been learnt a decade on: GBA Doom had its giant pentagrams erased with the Giant Pentagram Eraser.

IRONY ALERT!!!- Zombies with three-quarters of their face missing are fun for the whole family!

THOU SHALT NOT… kill

Probotector- NES (1990)

Not directly attributable to Nintendo, this, but we need someone to blame. Contra ’s gun-happy humans, carefree about killing anyone so long as they obligingly lined up nicely in one of the eight compass directions, were deemed too violent for Europian tastes, and casually replaced with mechanical walk-o-bots.

IRONIC ALERT!!!- Happy skeletons bleeding all over the screen in 1989’s Monster Party, and a bloke smashing a dog’s skull in with a baseball bat.

THOU SHALT NOT…worship the devil

Mega Man- NES (1987)

The devil’s in the detail, and Nintendo’s obsessive attention to it meant that Mega Man’s retiring ‘Yellow Devil’ struck mortal fear into US gamers’ hearts with the terrifying title of ‘Rock Moster’. Again, it’s a religious thing: Ninty didn’t want mum and dad coming home to find little Jonny playing records worshiping a giant yellow snooker ball on legs. Like they would.

IRONIC ALERT!!!- Ghosts ‘n’ Goblins had enough devils going on to make even Satan switch to Barbie Horse Adventure for a break.

So there you go: the bits that Nintendo didn’t want you to see. Did they go too far? Was it justified? The comment box beckons you.